Picaroons Guy Reports: Sappy Fest

(Photo of Sloan by Mike Stacey)

Who says you can’t have fun in a swamp? Only those who haven’t been to a swamp party in Sackville, NB, that’s who. The 5th annual Sappy Fest Music Festival took place July 30 – August 1, 2010, and it was a magically good time.

Picaroons’ beer of choice for this event was Sappy Magical Swamp Ale; a spellbinding little concoction brewed specifically for this festival. And let me tell you, we brought plenty of it.

Esty was especially excited about heading to Sackville for the weekend; not only was there going to be plenty of great bands, beer and barbecue, but the roller derby girls were doing a show there as well. He even brought his skates, thinking he just might have the opportunity of dazzling them with his freestyle skills. One never knows.

The location of the Picaroons beer counter couldn’t have been better. It was set up facing the main stage, but about a 200 meters away at the opposite end of the party tent. This meant that the crowd had access to great tunes at one end and Sappy Magical Swamp Ale at the other. Talk about a win, win. We were also right next to Mel’s restaurant, allowing for an unlimited supply of cheeseburgers for Griff. Things were looking good. P and I took the first shift at the beer counter, so that Esty could go see the roller girls. We sent Griff to chaperone. Yeah, I know, but hindsight is 20/20.

We started pouring right away, and actually came up with a dandy little system. P filled the beer cups and I simply handed them out, instructing people to keep passing them forward. The beer slowly started making its way through the crowd, so that eventually empty cups would return, P would refill them and I’d send them out once again. It was like a Picaroons assembly line. Pure genius. We kept this pace up for the whole show: band after band, beer after beer.

Meanwhile, Esty and Griff were having themselves a grand old time at the roller derby. Esty had his skates on and Griff had an impressive supply of cheeseburgers and beer that he was generously handing over the railing to the roller girls as they circled the track. What a great way to make new friends. Esty was so excited he was falling all over the place. According to the roller girls, it was the best roller derby ever—thanks to the Swamp Ale.

After the show the girls invited Esty and Griff back to the locker room to hang out. Esty was beside himself. Griff held open the locker room door, so that Esty could enter with his favourite move: a triple axel culminating in a heel-toe camel spin. For a 300-pound man, it was actually quite impressive.

He had barely finished rotating when the roller girls skated right up to him. They were like lions on a lamb. “Where can we find more of this,” the head-roller-girl asked in a panic, shoving her beer cup in Esty’s face. “I don’t think we can ever perform again without it.”

“Oh, that’s easy,” said Griff. “There’s plenty more back at the beer tent.” Within seconds, the girls had the boys bound, gagged and locked in the dressing room, and were skating full-tilt towards the coveted Sappy supply.

P and I never saw them coming; they were like commandos on wheels. One by one, they plucked the Sappy kegs from behind the beer counter and disappeared into the vortex of bodies and stage lights. The Sappy Magical Swamp Ale was gone. P jumped the counter to give chase, but there was no way anyone would ever catch those girls on foot. To make matters worse, Sloan was just about to take the stage and the crowd was getting thirsty. We needed Esty.

I jumped in the Beermobile and headed towards the roller rink with “Eye of the Tiger” blasting out of the Picaroon’s Infinite Decibel Woofer System at full volume. Sure enough, Esty recognized his curtain call, broke free, and was skating towards me with Griff on his back before the second verse. “Which way did they go,” he said. I pointed towards the crowd. Griff jumped into the back of the Beermobile and the Estonator took off after the roller thieves.

Esty skated like a man possessed and in no time was able to catch up with the gang of neon clad, rolling swine. I managed to maneuver the Beermobile in front and Griff began pelting them with cheeseburgers. Griff is not usually one to waste a good cheeseburger, but he was like a Clint Eastwood with those things. Rat, tat, tat, they hit their mark like mini bags of wet cement. You couldn’t have choreographed what happened next if you tried.

One by one, the roller girls started dropping their loot. Esty was rolling along beside us and as each keg bounced off the pavement, he deflected them with a technically perfect belly-bonk into the back of the Beermobile. In no time we had all of the Sappy back on tap and the roller girls captured. P and Griff started pouring like mad men. Esty actually got invited up on stage for Sloan’s encore, and I volunteered to guard the roller girls in the back of the Beermobile. Hey, somebody had to do it.

Thank you, Sappy Fest gang. You throw a heck of a party. See you next year.

Sap ya later,

The Picaroons Guy